i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
