K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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