his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
