My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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