I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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