question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
