then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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