when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
