I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
