You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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