Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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