He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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