If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
