So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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