Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
