"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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