My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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