yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
