U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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