So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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