If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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