When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this just has baby written all over it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
