just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
