he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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