Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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