You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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