your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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