So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
