just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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