Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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