there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
