why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
