I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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