he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
