she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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