Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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