Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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