she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
