6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
