I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
