How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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