Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
