I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
