I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
