fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
