it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
