he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
