Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
