Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
time to smoke my breakfast
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
