what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
