we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
