Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
