Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
