I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
