I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Randomize
